APRIL, 1999

Part B (I know it has gotten confusing, but believe me)

Up-dated April 19, 1999


Dark and cold is a lonely soul

nothing is complete, nothing is whole

alone i sit waiting for you

come to me, may our love renew

Our love was strong and it held me tall

without you, i'm destined to fall

i need your arms, to hold me tight

come to me, warm my soul tonight

The days we had have come to an end

the love we shared is gone with the wind

and still i long for your embrace

come to me, let love mine sorrow replace

Dark and cold is my lonely soul

without you i feel no whole

on i must move, without you here

stay form me, being alone no longer i fear


In the dark

In the dark beneath the skin,

the secret dark,

my words flow carelessly.

When I'm alone with my pen,

the cut is clean,

and words rush helplessly.

The dark, confused swirling

that never stops

down in the middle of me

seeps through the pores

spills to the paper

forming my life's chores.

Any and All who read these lines

have soaked up my words with their minds.

In the dark beneath your skin,

the secret dark,

my words boil dangerously.


Driving down this road,

Don't know where I'm going.

Lost in my world,

In the middle of nowhere.

The girl I saw before me,

Had visions in her eyes;

Dreams she'd live some day,

Will that never died.

The girl I see in the mirror,

Was not the girl once seen,

She turned to evil quickly,

Where has this girl been?

Driving down this world,

Don't know where I'm going.

Lost in this world,

In the middle of nowhere


My Wedding Day

On this special day I send my feeling up above

To my uncle whom I truly love

I think with some regret

That I have to think first of my family and mustn't forget

I wish he could see me all grown up into the woman I've become

But if he came back again I would be hurt some

So I walk down the aisle with my father

Whom looks like my uncle and no other

To walk down the aisle won't make my life whole

For it is you that should be here but you're a wandering soul

I will not be sad that I know

I will be walking around to and fro

Trying to clear my mind

Knowing true love I will find

From the one I love

And also from my uncle up above


The shield is gone

armor depleted

the sword dulled

bare and open

I stand in the

bleak essence of time

a parallel domain

trapped by demons of deceit

before the maze engulfs me



I don't mean to be mean

but you need listerine

not a sip not a swallow

but the whole bottle.


Nightmare's Requiem

A Nightmare, born of darkest night

Fights to save the heart of light

A Nightmare, shorn of heart and soul

Banished to the deep darks cold

Rises again, reforged, reborn

Fights on in the dying Dawn

Through chaos, death, and fear heart-striking

A heart so pure, like crystals ring

Buried deep within a chaos bringer

A death knell tolls, Nightmare the ringer

To fight on and on relentlessly

While Darkness strikes for all to see

At last Demon's Sword finds its mark

Nightmare lies alone, dying in the dark

With Life's Last Breath, Nightmare sends

Souls Last Force, the Darkness it rends

On shores far from Nightmares home

Nightmare dies, lost and alone



I'm withering away from something so true as faith.

The evil disperses throughout my veins causing a chill down my back.

My heart is settled in darkness being confronted by a lie.

In the face of the betrayer I look stiffened with fear.

A smile he returns as he sees raindrops fall from my cloudy eyes.

Footsteps sound as he walks out my life with a devilish smile.

I try to move but feel so frozen, dead and hollow.

A sudden urge for revenge strikes my heart with salification.

Dressed in black I watch the betrayer of another lover go six feet under.

As my footsteps sound in the delay of time, I feel unconstrained from the

yearning of the betrayer's death.


EviL eYe~

by najmeh

Picture-perfect house

Nice white picket fence

pretty daises by it

With a swing-set by the tree

so perfect is everything

That it makes the eye gleam

some stare for enjoyment

many stare to get it to disappear



i always dream

and i dream day and night

on the spindrift of raging tides

in the rolling sand of desert

among the dancing stars

i dream day and night

and hear the silent whisper

that came from green valleys

and from rigid mountains

in every dream i see you

like a walking goddess toward

and the spell of shining eyes

with a tempting invitation

and the resistance reaching the peak

i move forward patiently

with all the desires in my heart

i place my soul in your being

and feel your tender touch

vibrating every string of sleepy heart

and fearlessly i walk with you

to the world of eternal joy

i leave everything behind

and follow the glow of light

some dreams as they have

come to reality

that your love is with me

yet many miles away

i still dream of you

i dream day and night...................

Nazim Baig


"Gorky Street"

Sleepwalking down Gorky Street a jungle

Of stationary

Eyes gleam


Bullets trained on me

Held hostage on Gorky Street

By species I've staked

To oaken branches my own

Private entomology labeled

Name/date illegible

In opaque streaks of milky

Moonlight guiding the way

Down Gorky Street trying

To hitch a ride back

by Chris Hagan



It is stubborn to fight the storm

Where lightning crashes, water splashes,

Whipping waves to rocks

Where algae and snails

Make their home.


You too will die

Whether by ice or fire,

Deep ocean laughs

What will come, will come.

The birds remind us

Of peaceful dreams

Where eternity waits

To embrace

Our soft awakening.


To a thousand visions,

The soft porcelain breeze,

Blowing on fiddle strings

Of secret clouds.


My Father, My Hero, My Friend

His brilliant spirit shines as if he holds a million stars in his hands.

His Love & Wisdom have touched my soul; in my eyes a living legend that

will never grow old.

There are no tears in his world, even though sometimes there is pain.

For his courage can carry him through anything.

I can only hope someday I can be like him.....

My Father, My Hero, My Friend

By:Lisa Alfier-Jean


Did you ever Love someone

and knew that he didn't care

Did you ever feel like crying

but knew you would get nowhere

Did you ever look into his eyes

and say a little prayer

Did you ever look into his heart

and wish that you were there.

Did you ever cry about him "Dear God I love him so"

Did you ever dream about him

and didn't let him know

Oh love is fine but it soon hurts

the price you pay is high

In choosing love and choosing death

I'd think I'd rather die

So I beg you please don't fall in love

it's sad and yet it's true

You see my friend I ought to know I fell in love with you...



I saw my friend drinking a beer,

and tipping a shot glass.

He smiled at me and took one more drink,

it turned out to be his last.

I don't know what God's plan was

for my friend that day,

because he tried to fight some guy,

and that guy blew him away.


"Once Lucid"

He watches me behind the silence in the glass

Admitting that there's an indifference here

I am awake,... the vivid dreams fading slowly

I chase the skipping memories around my mind and they rush away

with a new cold breath of morning

having been so long in a sleep of color

the sadness of the grays surprises me

and I watch the weary weep for rest, for dreams, in a lullaby of fear

weep, and wait, for when forever rest will come

Yet all I see, Great Devotion to the day!

to the worries of a meaningless sort, to keeping light

when dark moments of rest and moons come

this was all confusing when from the place of color I was swept,

then, all consuming

when the memories of color and beauty and dark silent moments left me

Now he watches behind the glass, smiling,

while I groom for the day,... the gray

waiting to catch my eye

in the silence of one brief moment to catch me once, dreaming.



The magical heart, mind, and soul,

binds old, rich, and poor



uncovering me
by:Catherine Obrey

I can't be you

i can't be me

So i hide

what i feel inside

with all the Shame

and all the pain

i hide it from you

i hide it from me.



I stand alone. Once again.

As before, when I thought I was wrong

But in the end

You fearlessly went on.

With such strength

I never knew you had.

You never told me

That about you.

It is always just me.

I knew I couldn't hold onto you


But now we are gone.

What we had is no more.

I feel empty.

I am alone.

In the end.

Time has taken you

From me.


suzanne i love you

so dearly

so deep

i want you to hold me

and touch me

i tickle you to be close

i tingle when you are close

i want your touch

i want you

but when you look up and catch me staring

i smile

i know you will never be mine

you watch me sometimes

can i kiss you?

if only

i could

but you smile back

as i turn my head away

your hair is so soft

like silk

to bury my face within it

to smell you

like the sweet lilacs in a meadow

you are so lovely

eyes of green and blue

and orange

radiantly burning into mine

giving me the feelings of pink and orange

that flutter within

you blink

and a chill overcomes me

i tap you on the shoulder

and you turn close

i melt into the floor

dripping a smile

and i see my hands

they reach out

as i fall into the crevice of the floor


into hell

where your beauty and innocence can never dwell

the fiery depths cling at me

eating away at my sinful heart

my soul is beaten

i am scorched my the very hand that fed such impurity into my heart

it leaps at me and taunts me

i cry out your name

and you gaze into my eyes

a tear falls down your cheek

as does mine

we are one

and i am separated

by good and evil

they pull as i stretch

in twisted ways

i wrench in pain

and we come together once more

i cling to you

and you hold me in your arms

warmth and love

i smell your hair

i hold you in this moment

and give myself to you

and then i am torn away


I'll love you Forever

I'll love you for years

I'll love you through heartache and conflict and tears

I'll love you for Always

I'll love you through pain

and whenever you leave me

I'll love you again

I'll love you in hatred

betrayal and loss

I'll love you through bitterness

in spite of the cost

I'll love you in silence

and blackest despair

I'll love you in outrage

and sickness and fear

I'll love you through apathy

and wondering why

'cause i know that I'll HATE you 'till the day that i die



















Ships that pass through the night

sails nipping at lovers soul

The time of life

feverently touch

thy lips dosth

thou drinketh

through lovers

lips cannot thou

not steal my

soul play

with not the

tides of time

will tell

go I bid you

go for I

forsake thee


My soul enraptured ceased to deny

thou will art strong enough to defeat

the mindless whores of times. Be not

angry for I tip my head to you

thou I deny the cause, my ship is

your anchor. Sail not away for

thou takesth my heart with thee

Deny me not of spoken promises

stealth and agility for I mourn

thee to thy death.


See me not as

thy anchor

at thy beloved

Oh, precious

are thy eyes

that suck forth

my heart

Tempt me not

Find my soul

for the deed

has been done

Hold it not

against me

for I can not

bear the lost

of your touch

Not the soul

of tainted

gifts that

I bestow upon you

hold me not

for I fear

that you may

hold the sacred

trust of my soul

By: Fallon Perridon



Far away is my destiny, In the arms

Of warmth & compassion,

In the presence of truth & solace.

The feeling of completion

Escapes me with every attempt.

The very inequities that drive me away

Are what bring me closer to whom I am.

I set No blame for that which I can not have,

For that which I do not understand.

Continuously searching, finding nothing.

Cries of indifference, few but conquer all.

The flame may grow dim...But now

I recognize the core of

My being

My will

My strength

They lie within the fire of my heart.


through the darkness the zombie did cry,

Bringing pain and suffering to all that reply,

And the children hide in their beds,

Of fear that the devil will chop off their heads.



I stare ahead at the bright lights

Unsure of exactly what there fate means to me

As the air gets cooler

and the voices become louder yet more unclear

I realize for the first time that I am alone

Even though I am surrounded by people

and a smile is formed on my lips

My heart is aching and so is my soul

because my smile hides so much

no one is aware of my emptiness

so instead of feeling the pain

that i deserve to feel

I push it down deeper

and form a smile to hide my fear



Though it happened decades ago,

We long for the answer. Only G-d shall know.

It was a time of unjust doing.

Though not thought of at the time, it would nearly end up ruining.

The Holocaust was an act that forever scarred the mind.

It was a battle of hell between all mankind.

The tragedies that it caused were without a doubt,

The most horrifying things that a person could endure,

Survival was sought by every man and woman,

Few made it through all of the treacherous ruin,

The stories we will share with generations to come,

Are only a reminder of the events that were done.


Eagle's Wings

If I had wings as broad as an eagle,

I would soar through the heavens,

If I had eyes that were as sharp as an owls,

I could see good in every man and woman,

If I had the speed and grace of a cheetah,

The end of the earth would be my limit,

If I lived my life as peaceful as the doves,

There would be no hatred, only love,

If my body was as broad as a mountain,

There would be no obstacle that I could not defeat,

If I could hear as well as the wildest deer,

Then I would lend an ear to anyone who requested it,

But you see my friend I have none of these,

For a human being is all I am amidst uncertainties.


The Beauty if the Earth

The waves of the ocean crash with a thunderous roar,

On the mountains above the eagles soar,

The sun creeps through the clouds above,

Life out here is as peaceful as a dove,

The fish swim vigorously across the ocean floor,

In the distance the only sound that is heard is a lions roar,

The melodies of the crickets are heard through the land,

Across the beach lies golden yellow sand,

The blades of grass drift in the breeze,

The calm blue water flows gently through the seas,

The sun starts to fade as shadow across the hill,

The misty air sends a cooling chill,

The delicate flowers sway from side to side,

The light from the stars beams down on the riverside,

The moon glistens like a star in the night,

Alone walks the wolf without a single fright,

The beauty of the earth will not last for long,

So I ask you my friend enjoy it before it is all gone.


I don't want to love you

But I don't have a choice

Every time I see you

Whenever I hear you voice

I know this must be true

And I don't know what to do

All I want to see

Is for you to be happy

Whatever that will take

These are all risks I'm willing to make

With or without me

Your life will go on

But without you

My reason for living is gone.


New Life

Sitting, listening, studying the puritan throw words

Absorbing the trustful sense of a wondrous future,

But will the past toss ones chance of eternal survival

The answer soon revealed as ones head bows and a tear;

Racing thoughts of sin bounce throughout the mind

Then unexpected, stop as one becomes as the air,

Arms pull and cover with love as they know of such glory

As a white river of crystal tears stream from ones eye,

The slight pull of force bringing one to the new family

Feeling covered with beds of feather as one feels weightless,

Not knowing that one has just turned to the eternal key


This following poem,

will be a challenge.

Fortunately for me,

I like poetry and,

writing its a snap.

If there is an incident,

that I make an mistake,

don't blame me for this is hard.

Rhyme is not a,

foreign language to me,

though I perfer not to use it.

I have to use a minimum of,

ten spelling words for this poem,

so I'll throw in tyranny and anarchy,

just to add more.

One thing about poetry is,

logic is an anchor which weighs down,

the amount of poetry one produces.

By the way,

did you know that,

there are four syllables,

in Mississippi.


Love is so hard to find,

in this day of world and mind.

But there's one that I truly love,

She's as beautiful as a dove.

Her skin so soft and silky fine,

I can't believe that she is mine.

I want to tell her something she may know,

I want to tell her that I love her so.

This angel that I'm talking of,

She's my one and only true love.

She's God's gift to man sent down for me,

I'm glad that my dreams have become reality.

She's there for me whenever I'm down,

Her hair so long and a beautiful brown.

Her smile so welcoming and true,

At first sight it said, "I love you".

Her heart so big to l et everyone in,

To have said no to her would've been a sin.

As all could plainly see,

How much she really means to me.

I wrote this just to let her know,

How much I truly love her so.

Dedicated to K. M. with love from Dave written on 10/29/98.


Singing Rhapsody In Blue

The dancing notes of the clarinet cuddle life's silence that holds me captive,

evoking a sympathetic antiphon from deep within the inner cord of my soul.

New rhythms swell, searching for repose and crescendo, forming in me

joyful moods of being touched by flitting notes that encompass my very definition.

I swirl into hew heights unable to be reached in conventional ways, as the tones free me from the earth-boundness that reaches as so many hands to restrain me.

I ascend and fall, learning that the depths are not the abyss I once thought, but in reality new chants that I have never pondered before, not knowing the proper key or clef of life.

Rhapsody fills my essence and surrounds my very texture with clear insight into my precise purpose and meaning, as in joyful contemplation I listen to my soul respond with unparalleled song.



kats dangling onto third street lampposts

drinkin' cheap wine

under drizzly clouds

watching taxicabs zoom zoom by

it's five after six and

the working-class types are at home

eatin' pork chops with their housewives

watching the news reflect their two-bit lives

iiiiiiiiiiiii-e decimal drops

ink splashes into bitter tears of writers

induced by self despair

ribbon knots and dog-eared paperbacks

around the silver edges of the tables

that fall down

junk chutes.


-Nick Sievert

I hide my face as they walk by

I don't want them to see the shame in my eye

It is silly but I am ashamed of what my ancestors have done!


~Dark Hole~

I'm so much happier right now

But still I feel so hollow

A darkness within me that I don't understand

I've told of all the lies I had

But still there's one more in me

I can't help but feel that there is something wrong, something missing

The feeling of love

The feeling of joy

The feeling of hope

The feeling of caring

Those feelings are gone

They are replaced with a dark empty hole

Replaced with feelings of guilt

Feelings of anger and hate

Fear and despair

The guilt from a girl that I stopped talking to

And now I miss her dearly

The guilt from a guy that loves me that I can't love back

The anger and hate for this society that went terribly wrong

The anger and hate for myself

The fear of rejection by the people I love

The despair for happiness

Not feeling the guilt

The anger, the hate

The fear, the despair


*The Breakup*

It's a damn good thing

I didn't get that tattoo.


"Soft Whispers"

The wind blows softly,

Through the canopy of trees,

Blowing soft whispers.

























I Am The One

I am the one who opened my eyes,

to watch you while you slept.

I am the one who raised my face,

to feel your rough caress.

I am the one who stood by you,

praying for happiness.

I am the one whose soul you saved,

while shattering the rest.

I am the one who touched your heart,

before you locked it away.

I am the one who was deceived by you,

as you cried that I betrayed.

I am the one whose love is so strong

that no one else would do.

I am the one whose lips kissed yours,

and whispered I love you.

I am the one who made you smile,

when everything was cold.

And you are the one who broke my heart,

took it out then let it go.


Praise Poem

Lord, you are all there is to me. You have brought farther than anything ever has.

I love to sing your praises and exalt your name.

You are the love of my life, my one true hope.

You bathe me in your glory, and surround me in your presence.

I do not deserve, am not worthy, of your love or your gifts.

But, you, the ever-loving, all-knowing, truly graceful, One True God, designed in your plan a way for my escape from sin's chains.

This way is known as the Lamb of God and the Lion of Judah.

He came to earth by his free choice, died on a cruel cross in my place, rose again on the third morn, and loved me, even before I was born.

Then, he sent His Holy Spirit for my comfort and guidance, so that I could live

according to your plan.

I praise you, O Holy Trinity, not only for these acts of love and grace, but for who you are:

The loving, doting father.

The self-sacrificing, never-dying Son and Teacher.

The ever-present Guiding Comfort.

And, together as one, my anchor in this stormy sea called life.



as my mind wanders, many thoughts run rampant

reflections of you

impressions of her

confusion as to what tomorrow holds

i welcome silence

those brief moments when my senses are at rest

lingering only for seconds

yet treasured for eternity

my consciousness is a vast abyss of passions and desires

too unwonted for the mainstream world

yet too salient to be disregarded

my head is a room full of headaches


Cell deviant

A canary in a cage is going insane

Cries for freedom rain from its brain

Never to eager and never to brave to

sing its song another day

Beautiful canary how ugly you are

I am like you tapped behind bars

Scratching your perch and scrapping

your beak, spreading your voice through

out the streets

Calling for liberation and calling for arms

Singing your song to fill many hearts

Beautiful canary wait for me, for I am to

scared to break from the sheep

Spread your wings and stretch your pride,

teach us to become one of a kind

Flap your lungs and fill your pride, live for

us so you can penetrate our hearts

Beautiful canary how can it be, my life

seems meaningless without the pain your

suffer for me.



Just a little boy

Under mama's wing

Then you grew-up

Into a teenager

Wild like the wind

Struggling to stay afloat

Falling on your face sometimes

But still under mama's wing

Now an adult

Determined to soar to the top

Then you found a girl

A women that you loved

Engaged and happy

But scared to move on

Afraid mama's wing would break

Just a little boy

In love with a girl

Just gotta trust

That mama's wing won't break


By:Melissa McKelvey

You're flying high

Carefree on a summer day

Thinking everything's okay

God didn't warn you

Your parents couldn't prepare you

Every action counts for life!

Your brain's on automatic

You try to reach out for help

No one will oblige

Never think it could happen to you

Now you've changed for life

Every action counts for life



red stain

the sweet communalist's bane



patience is a virtue foreign

to me its quick or not done

a quick frown or a quick grin

no quick love and no quick fun

its time to slow down

and smell the flowers

slow down and fall in love

leave my heart to scour

to cleanse to release

to find that slow feeling

to finally find peace


Bitter expectation

For such sweet end

When the illusion

Burn down and end

Is there any sweet night

So I would not cry

Can you ever leave me

With saying goodbye?

And there are only few words to say:

In the true meaning of life

The beginning and the end

All the feelings and the regrets

Are here in these few words that I want to say..

All I need to tell you

All I ever wanted you to know

Is that I love you

And nothing more.


Do you?

Do you still care for me

as I still care for you?

Do you make a wish on that first bright star

and pray that it comes true?

Do you see me in your dreams

every night that you can sleep?

And when you wake to find me gone,

Do you ever weep?

Do you remember the night we fell in love?

Do you remember that first kiss?

Do you remember anything?

Do you reminisce?

Do you ever wish you could take things back

to try to make things new?

Do you wish for things gone past?

Do you?

I do.


Loanly Love

emotions felt,

long contained.

often sought,

but seldom gained.


Who is ever so near as to know the true beauty in this mind's eye

The caress of this soul does reach blindly into its unknown

and the wrappings of arms enclose this soft-skinned tomb

Only with this eye can truth be witnessed but not by mere mortals shifted

These thoughts are given by its owner uneasily

to you whose heart says freely

Silently this cry has been released never admitting a tear

or a shout of pain

It is you who longs to come into this realm and calm its fear

your arms reaching out and never enclosing themselves

Yet not by any lack of strength this place is hard to hold

but worth the gold enclosed

If this strength were easily possessed

in this skin of softness and lacking

It would freely give to you the gifts entombed

This treasure would be your reward

as the humble servant's quest is finally known

For knowledge of this place is clear

to eyes drawn deeply with its never ending gaze


Heading south, pushing north

going no where my time is worth

I can't take this place anymore

step outside, shut the door

to turn back now would only cause pain

heading no where, no where sane

traveling down the winding road of time

nothing to loose, everything has been left behind

Sleep tonight, tomorrow's gone

wake up in the end and everything is wrong

shut down the clocks take it back an hour

you are still at home being a coward

if i could lie i would tell you the truth

but in this place there is no use

going everywhere, everything's gone

take it all back and you've just begun

when time is passing where does it go?

you left the world for your black whole

take your life spin it sideways, upside down, put it back together then turn it around

walk to the end of my world, drown in my sea, begin a new life of backwards mentality


I fell behind in my apologies

For things I did not do,

So someone I don't even know

Deemed me unworthy to exist.

I came alive in the ashes of Death

And met God in the arms of Morpheus.

I sang along when you sang of peace

And cried when you thought of her.

I asked not for any forgiveness,

And you gave me all the lies I needed

To believe anything that anyone

Told me was real or true.

I dared not to decipher the reasons

Behind your curtain of hate,

Instead, you showered me with

A crescendo of love and cocaine.

When I was confused, you always said

You're only a girl, you can't understand.

I guess I can't if you won't explain,

So I resign to my innocent fate.


These sleepless nights

and it's doubtful I'd mention

that you were the cause

just to pride your intentions

Enclosed in thought

I think of the weather of my heart

and it's tension

Though you're solely at fault

for this emotional ulcer,

you'd help alleviate the pain

If you were here

But, the physical ailment

the nausea

As you walk another out

through the dark




I saw them staring at me

their black and white eyes

some cheerful, some sullen faces

some stared with surprise

I thought them amusing

at first glance

then wondered where time had taken them

if they were given that chance

What is their current style?

What about their families?

New places of residence

Their hopes, their dreams

Did anyone reach goals?

I questioned as I looked

And the pages seemed to echo

as I skimmed o'er the book


















Feeling Love

A sour pain of resentment,

A feeling of unhappiness creeps,

Confusion as you think,

Empty yet bestirred inside,

Consequently just over a degenerate person,

Yet "just" does not apply to degeneration

Harrison Noel


When I saw you

When I saw you

I saw everything wonderful in you

I saw the light in your eyes

The love in your heart

The warmth in your smile

When I saw you

I felt your soft kiss

Your warm touch and embrace

I felt your eyes upon me

When I saw you

I thought it was too good to be true

And I was right

Because now it is gone

When I saw you with her

My heart was torn

But now I realize

I must let you go

I just want you to know

You will be in my heart

Always and forever!


The Psychiatric Ward

The psychotic man sat in the psychiatric ward,

He believed he had a special relationship with the Lord,

He thought he could read someone's mind,

It was reality he could not find,

The man heard several voices that told him to do something bad,

He was mad.


~*~Promises And Lies~*~

A hand to hold,

A smile to see.

Sometimes I wonder,

Why this isn't for me.

I've dreamed of him,

For many years.

I've hoped and wished,

And wasted my tears.

Someday I know,

That it'll all come true.

And when it does,

I'll laugh at you.

I'll love him lots,

And he'll love me.

And all those enemies,

Will finally see.

There's more to me,

Than my outside.

But you don't know that,

Cause you've never tried.

And when I find,

That special guy.

I'll come to you,

And make you cry.

Cause I deserve it,

And so do you.

Cause all you've done,

Is be un-true.



I sat down and I did something I haven't done in a while; write. I wanted to write a poem, a novel, or just a sweet paragraph. I couldn't I didn't know now of all the things I have forgotten what it is to release myself. The daylight grew father in my forever solitude as the sun set over my head in its beaming glory. The pen held no ink. I couldn't write. My mind filling with ideas but they were to fast to let one casually slide down from my pen on to the blank paper. Is it right to hold this opportunity and to hide it like a blemish and conceal the ideas and thoughts of a growing life? I don not know. In everyone's eyes it is wronged but I saw it as beautiful.


As the sky touch the iridescent moon the light reach my soul,

And the words he said whispered throughout my mind and repeated over and over again. He was true and spoke it. I wonder if the search for the right was wrong but it felt as good as the night.

I like the was he look at me and I like the way he kiss me so soft. I like it when he held my chin and way he spoke. I wish he was different, honest or true. He was a liar but he was different to me.

He like her but refuse to tell the truth. He was always taking about her and loving her. She was a friend, had her mind and her own one to love. They were together. Together. The word sounded wrong. Wrong to me because I think I love him. He touch me as if he loved me. And touch her as she was just there. Why?

If he was going to be with her it made me jealous. But the jealous slid and I loved him to much and let him go....

~~~~~~Writen By Lynzie Barrasse 1999~~~~~~~



i am alone again,

with myself as the sympathetic friend,

only my own shoulder to cry on,

only my voice to answer my questions, 'only my hand to hold,

only my arms to shelter the cold,

only my solitary bed,

only my demons in my head,

i imagine you'll come back,

i pretend you'll always be here,

and what's in my eyes are not tears



Powerless, I lay

beneath Jack--


I, rubbed raw


my mind

empty with filth

Still, I must be.


With fear---


Come inside me

rip me to shreds

take me,

feed me to the dogs.


Blind eyes-blind eyes peering through small fogs. how many miles to the castle?

how many deaths to the kingdom? why do we not see the end of all? Petty crying dolls line the banks of the canal that passages the barges of hope; crying mama-mama when will we be home?

Once on the high mountain I-I-i looked and saw. then i turned and saw no more. blind eyes-blind eyes peering through small fogs. don't look or you WILL be crushed. your bones will join the lost legions drying on the plain. the fighters who have been out matched, the fools who have dared--, if, only for the sake of beauty, to sleep in endless wonder to dream of ceaseless awakenings. to rise up with a start to lie down with a sigh.

blind eyes-blind eyes see no more.


by Andrew W Jackson Sr./99

All time stands still upon a near by hill-

The millennium pendulum hovers ore' this Holy place-

The birth of Grace as Justice is satisfied by love-

Upon this cross where you Lord are dying for the lost-

Your bruised, battered body torn asunder-

As noon time blackness sounds Heaven's thunder-

Blinded mobs jeering, thirsting for blood-

"Crucify Him" they shout, "Crucify Him"-

In the shadows a Mother weeps and moans-

She convulses with labor pains of Love-

As she remembers a star filled winters eve-

Drops of Blood mark a path of sorrow-

That points the way to a redeemed tomorrow-

Free of tears, free of sorrow......


When Memories Remain

At times my thoughts are lost in a haze...

I search my mind in its slipping maze.

Like a summer-set fog that won't go away,

Which faded memory will I stumble on today.

Sun shown through a thin white dress,

Flowing and radiant with her hair a mess.

Reveals the silhouette of my passion for pain...

So Sweet is the torment when memories remain.

Remembrance will show no favorites here...

Most are left in a pool of torturous fear.

We are chained to our memories in harsh everlast;

Few, find sweet salvation, amnesia at last.

In the symphony of a rainy day,

Echoes of discontent and resolve pave my way.

The silhouette's in the doorway leading to the street in the rain...

So sweet is the torment when memories remain.

-Scott Smith, March 28, 1999


A poet's last Request

From right and wrong

like a pirates sweet song

to a worker who swallows his pride

if life is unknowing where flowers come from

are where the earth is slowly turning

we question an answers our uncontrollable stars

and watch our flag slowly burning

we are all proved wrong but we still sing our song

and the workers now hollow from pride

a man I am

with a last request

with a humble last request

just please live life

without knowing what's best

John Wright


This night brings thoughts to me, it brings emotions to my body that can only be held within myself. The whispers of this nights throbbing heart crash through my open window, teasing my hunger for life, for love, for becoming the true person that I know exists inside. The person who shows emotions, who can surround themselves with others, not because I feel like I have to, but just because I can relate to them. This night is lonely in my dim room, thoughts quickly and quietly flickering about the walls and dressor. I silently lie, music flowing though my ears, the smell of Autumn approaching in my lungs, the feel of love, hate, sadness, happiness and desire in my heart. I crave for a relationship which does not bring awkwardness, which does not bear the sound of nervous laughing and uncertain gestures. A relationship of love, understanding and never wanting to be separated. Whether it be a relationship between two best friends, two siblings or two lovers, that is what I crave on this night. This silent, excruciatingly loud night. Will I ever find what I am looking for on this night, or any night?


Who are they?

Born into a world of fear and pain.

Shrouded by clouds of darkness and rivers of sadness.

The heart ..the storm of colliding emotions where happiness and love should


Pain...that of which the world around, offers no solutions.

Raised to believe that the heart is what defines a person.

There are those who have never known love....never felt.. happiness.

What makes them who they are?

The emptiness they feel inside?

The pain they know so well?

How are they defined?

How are we... defined?


Morning Beauty

Gently caressed by the early morning dew.

Slowly rolling down the pedals, rejuvenating life within.

The pedals, slowly open to the kiss of the sun's light, allowing the flower's

true beauty to be expressed in its purest form.

Now the Sun sets, with the moon rising.

Shining Angelic light across the landscape.

The pedals close now, keeping the days warmth locked inside until a new day arises.

Just waiting to Blossom once again.




drank you

in a



of tea






i sit in the black belly of this monster you created

burnt by the chains of hate you yield and locked in by this wall of deceit

you made me what i am and now you hate me

i can not enter the pleasing new world of tomorrow i'm frozen in the, bleek, blue world of today

i close my eyes, as not to see what you've done

the torturous pain, as my heart explodes, numbing me

this soul once full of life, now a black cesspool of hate and fear

my kinship with the human race now lost in a barren plain of reality

the emotions i have felt now drift away into a sea of bone dust and blood

the happiness once felt has drained into the void you made

can't you see what you have created

the tears that you've shed have drowned me


The human heart shatters like priceless crystal thrown against a cement pillar in deep frustration.



I stand up on the levee

and watch the river flow

feeling all my misery

from deep within my soul

It's cold in December

a snow begins to fall

not as white as I remember

on the sidewalk

I hope it keeps coming down

I hope it covers the whole damn town

I'll make a snow angel

on the riverbed

all torn and mangled

just like these thoughts

in my head

I'll keep on cryin in the form of rain

till you come and save me

and take this pain away....


Next to my grave a shattered bottle of whiskey

The rich sticky smell of Jack Daniels splashed across the letters J. Belushi

Through the years as "Bluto Blutarsky" i made the people laugh,

Jake and Elwood maybe two of the most famous brothers

And yet, this bottle of old #7 is smashed

Before all of the "Smooth Tennessee Sippin' Whiskey" can be enjoyed


to sarah,

i hate u 4 pulling me up when i wanted to fall

i hate u 4 giving me hope and believing in my dreams

i hate u 4 listening and telling me things

i hate u 4 placing ur arms around me, and being a friend

i hate u 4 because i've been dry for three months

i hate u 4 having dinner with me all dressed up

i hate u 4 understanding whenever i lose my mind

i hate u 4 crying and needing me to hold ur hand

i hate u 4 listening when i make no sense

i hate u 4 always being real and true

i hate u 4 not being able to buy u that VERSACHE jacket

i hate u i hate u i hate u

i hate u cause u have it all, but ur unable to see

i hate u cause i do

i hate u cause we talked of dreams and fellini

i hate u

i hate u cause u read Huxley to me

i hate u cause u kissed my dry, decaying lips

i hate u cause u said u always be there(where r u now?)i love u!


Guardian Of the Rose

In a stone built castle...hewn from mountains

tucked away from man or beast

I preclude the world from my room

Great winds might uproot hundred year old mighty oaks

that sprung from earth before my birth

In here, safe from the world I am the guardian of the rose

An amber fire burns in a basket in vigilance

I dare not let it die

For I must keep the room just so....

That my blood red rose can grow

The flames play games and cast great shadows

Where dragons and demons lurk

I fear not, for a single goal arrests my soul

To watch her grow

Twenty years i'll wait, and twenty more

'Cos time declared a pact with me to share that moment

Time waits to see her petals unfurl

And when she does my heart will dance in fields of golden hue

...and when I gaze on her immaculate bloom

I'll dampen the fire, and turn and say

my job is done...come face the storm

I'll hold out my hand to you, your human form do take

Put your hand in mine

I will say....

I have waited all my life for thee my love!

Shhh you say, no words need be said

did you not water me with your own tears

When there was no water to be found?

And did you not say such beautiful things when I felt down?

Did you not feel despair when you thought that the fire had died?

No need for words...for I have watched you bloom as well!

Bruce Robert Rutherford.


The Upper Hand.

Our battle had run on for years

You caused me pain and many tears

You treated me like I was dirt

And didn't care how much it hurt

You had affairs behind my back

I had to stand and watch you pack

You turned to walk right out the door

Our marriage was to be no more

It only took one little squeeze

To bring you groveling to your knees

And so I think that I have won

....its easy when you hold the gun.

Gillian Weekes



Sometimes the world can be a cold place.

Sometimes your heart cries in agony but you have to move on.

Sometimes life is a dream that is as fantastic as the stars at night.

Sometimes we forget who we are.

Sometimes a bit of rain can do the soul a bit of good.

Sometimes I get lonely.

Sometimes... I think of you.


The Pretender

I'm looking around

but your heart wont

be found

I care

or, at least I pretend


I see

only what

you let me

I need

just a small

part of you

I hope

maybe this will

come true

if not

I cry

or, at least I pretend



I feel the bus ride

as it takes me down

singapore streets.

I hear the clatter of rails

(really it's a soft hiss).

There's the smell of cooked food,

hundreds of aromas intermingled in the night.

Just like the languages/races here.

Somebody tells me this is the future of man,

I say, "I don't know."

Back in america they have no idea,

but here they strive to be american

and most of them don't know why.

Yes, I feel the bus ride.


I look into your eyes...waves crash deep

the sun at our mercy...the sand at our feet

when we are close my heart beats like thunder

no matter what happens my heart won't hinder

for now though the shore of the lake holds true

all the sounds that will ensure my love to you

a deep haze covers your eyes

sometimes causes me too cry

then your smile calms the storm

and then my tears dry and my heart grows warm

inside of you i see eternity

a world of peaceful serenity

I want to hold you so bad

when you come over i am glad

innocence of sleep means more to me

than anything else could ever be...

I want you in my arms throughout the night

and i want to wake up with you in my sight.

eternity shall have no match

because my heart the heart you have snatched



I hear your voice

carried on the wind

as I sit and watch the sea

I see you standing

round every corner

On every single street

I see your smile

each and every time

I close my eyes to sleep

and in my dreams

your holding me

but all I do is weep

I know I loved you

but nobody cares

They say i'll get over it

time will heal my heart

But I don't want it to heal

and every night I wish

That when you hit that car

I'd been there as well.


Why Should I Care

Why should I care,

That there is hatred everywhere?

It is only on TV,

It will never get to me.

Why should I care,

That there is violence over there?

It does not affect me,

Is the attitude you see.

But when it hits close to home,

We know we are not alone.

And when it cuts down a child,

We really go wild.

It is time to take a stand,

And help our fellow man.

No matter where he be,

He is part of our family.


(based on a dream)

by Patricia Kelly

We stand outside in the gloom

watching as birdseed cascades

from the broken window feeder

"But we have to fix it," I say,

"Or we'll have flocks

of wild birds gathering"

"Exactly," he says, an elfin grin

on his golden face

I spin around to look toward the east,

my hungry spirit

lofting with the sun


Tearing Asunder

Is this my happy ever after?

tied to him, dragged behind him like an afterthought?

being an eternal security blanket for the eternally insecure?

I wish I couldn't think.

I wish I could have an affair.

I wish I could take a trip to Bangkok

--anywhere without him.

I get 5,000 chances a day

to change my situation,

5,000 chances to say no to him,

5,000 scary ways to break free

--too many reasons why I never do.

I'm tired of my life being a riddle.

Who cares about the sound of one hand clapping?

I want an answer, not another clue.

To hell with God's guidance! He's fired!

I'll find my own way, thank you!


The days were long

and the nights were hard

but I forced myself to go on.

Our bodies ached

Our hearts were sore

but we forced ourselves to go on.

Sometimes we cried

Many times

we watched

Our own brothers die.

But I tell you

In the end

we never lost our pride.


The patience of the letter

It sits upon the tabletop

Waiting to be done

Left alone in the room

The ink on the quill

Has dried

The window open

A crystal wind falls in

Take the unfinished letter

About its way unto its peace

The room still dark

The ink still dry

The letter floats

Into the sea

It is wet, yet still dry

For letter of love

Has eternal being

Never leaving

Never dying

Just sits upon its tabletop

Waiting for the lover

To come and finish

Is the patience, of the letter


a walk away from sunset vices

a place to stumble on the stars

not my, not tonight

still loving...still wondering...

so neon peacebrains blink out of time

and love still fills the streets of somewhere...

...relaxing the slang of immigrants

walking on the glass of political slander


That wonderful word they call love

Has one too many times given me a shove

Longest relationship lasted a month

Repeat it to myself everyday

How many times before, how many times to come

Will I hear a girl say,

"I love you forever, I love you always"

They all say it, but not a one stays

They were all quick flings,

That's all my heart sings

See what love can shatter?

It leaves my brain all tattered

So now, I wonder aimlessly on to the next 2 week ride

Pretty soon, I'll secede, leaving only myself to confide...


That Day
by: Sara Tafel

Detached from my reality, only seeing, not feeling my actions. Twitching free of your grasp, flying away into a cloudy oblivion. I can touch the sky and kiss the stars. I can dance with the moon and sleep in the midnight skies. I want to breathe it in, I want it to intoxicate every part of my soul. I want to feel it running thought my brain and in my veins. I want to feel it push at the tips of my fingers, I want it to fill me up so completely so that i may forget that day I cried. That day the pain finally exploded, that day my insanity rose up and took control of my soul. This day I cannot forget. The day the voices took over my mind, the day the pain swallowed my heart, the day hate took my soul and sold it to satan.

Page Copyright © AHA Books 1999.
Poems Copyright © Designated Authors 1999.

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